text at the game.

I love going to watch live sports.  Football, rugby, cricket is all good. I often find that one of the most entertaining things to do whilst watching sport however, is reading the text messages of the people in front of you. It's Fucking brilliant.  I was at a football game not long ago where a couple had sat in front of us holding hands and showing all the usual social convention signs of affection. It was really nice to see.

About 20 minutes in to the game though, the lad got his phone out to read a message. Turning it away from his missus, it read. "I'm missing you. Lay here in just my socks.".

Brilliant. This is about to get interesting I thought.  He replied saying. "Miss you too. Wish I was lay with you in just my socks rather than here with the wife."
I thought there is only one thing I can do here as an upstanding respectable person..................
So I tapped him on the shoulder and said to him.

You just sent that to someone called MUM.

He shit himself and stumbled for his phone. Bricking it..... Saw he had sent it to the right person and breathed a huge sigh of relief.

Everything was fine again...........
Until....
His wife asked why he was so worried about what he sent to his mum?
She took his phone off him and then the fireworks really started.
I have absolutely no idea what the score of the game was. But it was definitely 1-0 to me.

PJ's

Now having 3 kids I sometimes feel like I spend too much time with 1 than the others. Unintentionally, but I feel like they may think I'm neglecting them. Not to McCann levels of course. What? Too soon?

But you wonder if you are doing a good job and if you are a decent parent. And it's only natural to compare yourself to others around you. I think the first question to ask yourself and the 1st rung on the ladder is "do I do the school run in my fucking Pyjamas? ". Thankfully, I manage to get myself dressed as well as my kids.
That isn't just a question about parenting and representing your kids. That is an indication of whether you deserve to make it home alive or not in my opinion.

Tiredness

The 1 thing parents do agree on with kids is tiredness. Although it is still somethings to argue about. I'm more tired than you.

But with a baby your aren't just tired. You are what I would call shit the bed tired. There is no more tired that you could be without being unconscious.  I'm not talking late night out with work in the morning tired. No. You can still function then. I'm not even talking about autopilot tired where you find you put the milk in the cupboard and the coffee in the fridge.  No.... I am talking about being so tired that the only bodily function still working is Instinct.  And you know that this still works when you are sat on the toilet wiping your arse...........and then you sneeze!

Nappies

I try to be a hands on dad as best I can.  But women and men have very different opinions on parenting standards and requirements.  There are many examples of this but the thing that explains this difference the best I think is nappy changes. We treat nappy changes like our own underwear.  Women are quite keen on changing nappies every opportunity that presents itself. Obviously this is highly inefficient and not cost effective. Whereas men have the view that a nappy is effectively a bottomless storage container that only needs changing when it is overflowing.  The only thing lacking from nappies is the ability to turn them inside out to get more use out of them.

Intro

Good evening, hope you are having a good time.
I have a wife and 3 kids at home so I am Fucking delighted to be here.

So my 3rd has just been born. Beautiful little girl called Isabelle. She is great. who has kids here? Who has multiple kids?

All kids give you worries and panic but I think you evolve with them. When  my 1st was born and we were bathing her. Me and my wife were knelt by the side of the bath shaking and crying in complete fear of dropping her thinking what the hell do we do with this. With the 2nd, you feel confident to try and bath them on your own. Still Shitting yourself at the thought of breaking them but managing to hold back the tears. But by the time you come to the 3rd you basically chuck them in and wash them like you're cleaning burnt scrambled eggs off a pan with a scourer.........get them out and put them on the draining board To dry.

Funny thoughts.

So, I am told that this is the best way to start writing down some of the stuff that I think about and find funny. If for no other reason than to remember it and read back at a later date.  Making myself chuckle is enjoyable and I know that I do posess a unique sense of humour that very few others seem to share. Because of this, I have no idea if the stuff that I find funny translates in to amusing material for others. I am fully aware however, that delivering this material in my own head at 100mph is very different to reading it in a blog.  Anyway, I want to see if this shit is any good. Or just shit. I would love some feedback. Thanks. Lewis